Memories for all time: #1, the shower

Once upon a time,

...not a vague time, exactly remembered. I was 16, a straight-As student at Carmel College, in the home of my favourite class, the Biology lab, at the end of 4th period on a Thursday late in April.


Cleaning the blackboard at the front of the classroom. Behind the long teachers' bench that ran across the podium. So neat, that broad space. Territory of of our clever, confident, stylish young teacher, who could use words like "envaginate" without blink or blush and made us all feel we were capable of comprehending anything.

There on the scratchpad, in small flowing script:

I cry in the shower, the falling water hides the sound of pain

It was impossible to look away. My eyes were as caught as my breath, as my heart thudded with a strange mixture of pity, contempt and fear. I will never forget that moment.

Then, I didn't understand, though I felt the powerful pull of recognition.
Now, I know exactly that feeling.

Then, my teacher seemed another class of human, so far advanced from my own immaturity.
Now, I'm 20 years older than she was.

The great difference is that the contempt and fear are (mostly) gone, gentled with experience and compassion. And I've learned to let the water wash away the pain. I hope hers is gone too.

Wherever you go, there you are

This holiday season I'll spend just 3 of the 12 nights at my official home. The working season can be similar. Many friends have asked about how tiring that might be. I don't find it so. That's partly because I've learned to be at home wherever I am.  Or at least, something close to that. 

I've learned:

• to pack for a week's travel in 15 minutes
• to know what the essential stuff is - and it's a very short list
• to bring the essentials and not much more
• to make it work with what I have
• to find help when I need it
• to sleep anywhere
• to wake knowing where I am and get ready for the day without confusion

Yoga has been a big part of this - and coming to understand that how I feel isn't dependent on where I am or who I'm with. So, I'm at home everywhere....although I always prefer to be near the water.

Convenience - a little rant

What's the famous quote, about something being a good servant but a poor master?

Maybe it applies to everything. It certainly does to the idea of "convenience"

I have watched people, myself included, become so focused on our our entitlement to having things suit us and be easy, that we give second place to our compassion, our sense of perspective, our humility and our dignity.

I would never suggest that anything be made more difficult than necessary, but really people, how easy and 'catered-to' do we need to be? Especially if we want to think of ourselves as independent, healthy, intelligent adults? 

A couple of days ago I heard an obviously well-educated, prosperous man in his 50s berate a ferry ticket clerk for 10 minutes, because a boarding gate change meant he lost his place in the queue and he would have to wait what turned out to be 2 minutes longer.

Today's example was worse - on hearing of the plane crash in San Francisco (2 dead, 60+ injured, many rescue workers' lives endangered) all that one of my companions could think of was that her neighbor, flying out of SFO, might be delayed and have to wait around in the terminal.

What's this all about?

 Today's convenience phenomenon is largely created by the retail industry, especially fast food.  It is a marketing mindshift designed to make people more likely to purchase products, particularly the kinds of foods we are all coming to realise are not in our own best interests. You can't read the whole article, but take a look at this precis and think. Do a Google image search for the word "convenience" like I did, and see what images are associated.

Think about whether "convenience" has a higher value to you than compassion, perspective, independence, humility, dignity.

Here endeth etc. etc.

Perfect apostrophe control

Remember Sister Mary Loyola? she of the clothespeg strategy

Despite this early unpleasantness between us, we came to be great friends in the classroom. I was lucky enough to have her teach me a little later in primary school.

Grammar must have been her true teaching passion - because she was able to give the whole class of 35 snotty little kids the ability to use our cute and curly friend, the APOSTROPHE, with complete confidence.

So here's when to use one, which like all rules begins simply, then adds a little complexity

1. When you want to shorten by joining words and skipping a letter
   do not becomes don't
2. When you want to show possession
   Sarah's quilt

Fun facts for the possessive apostrophe:

1. Never with pronouns. Her's is not a thing. Ever. If Theresa has a pen, its hers
2. It moves if there are multiple owners of the possession.
   The cat's pyjamas - nightwear for one cat
   The cats' pyjamas - what all of the cats are wearing to bed

That's all. Quantities and plurals don't come into it. Thousand's isn't a thing either. Do the test: nothing shortened, nothing owned = no apostrophe.

Of course there is nothing rational about all this  - it's just how it is. I suspect there's an archaeology of grammar that could show how our use of the apostrophe is a remnant of a more wordy practice which has worn away in use.

Why does this matter? the main reason is clarity - we all want the ability to communicate what we mean to say. We all want to receive information that is unambiguous, easy to read. Some of us also want to give the impression of competence when we write, hoping this will lead to greater credibility and trust. The classic example:

Bless you Sister Loyola, wherever you are.

finding the beat

Between singing lessons and vocal coaching at choir, I think I'm on the path to bettering that part of my musicianship.

There's plenty of other room for improvement. I'm a woeful time-keeper, especially with offbeat rhythms, and through long rests.

Just as I decide I need to do something about this, along comes the opportunity to participate in a 3-day workshop of the TaKeTiNa rhythm learning process. More about the method in this youtube video

Having had a taste of the method a while ago, I had little hesitation in signing up. Even managed to convince the guitarist in the household to come along too.

I'm very glad I did. It was the first time I've got comfortable with off-beat, 5-beat, 9-beat, 3-in-4 rhythms to the point of real pleasure and confidence.  Much more importantly, I also experienced falling out of those rhythms with humour and recovering them with grace.

That's a little bit less fear to carry around, a bit more joy to offer back.

Good news for Kiwis - there will be another TaKeTiNa workshop in Auckland early next year. Contact http://www.newworldrhythm.com for more information and tell them I sent you

learning to sing at last

so... singing lessons.

After all that angst, lessons didn't start for another month, because the teacher was too busy to fit me in! By the time we got our schedules aligned, I was used to the idea and walked in to my first lesson only slightly nervous.

It was all much more enjoyable and satisfying than I had imagined.

Several weeks later, I am happy to report that I have a good sense of where I'm going and how to get there. Some aspects of my voice are slowly improving. In other areas it's all challenge. But that's OK.

Of course I am doing more practice than I used to...which is delivering a real improvement in my performance in Auckland Choral. Singing our current Bach, Haydn, Tavener and McMillan fearlessly and fairly accurately. Even with some interpretation and feeling! Who would have guessed that practice would help?

learning to sing

I sing in choir. Practically my whole life.

It's brought me the most amazingly beautiful, exhilarating, challenging, fun experiences. Met a Best Friend and a Husband. Fortunately I still have the Best Friend.

I love it, and with all this practice and education along the way, I've become a reasonably good singer. It means so much to me that I know I need to improve to keep up up with the rising standard of my current group, Auckland Choral

And therein lies the flaw. I've never had a formal lesson from a singing teacher and I'm terrified to start. All these years I've been hiding in the crowd, gotta have 2 more people or I can't let a sound out.

Why?

• fear that I've never been any good - this is nonsense! all those successful auditions over the years...
• fear of constructive criticism - might have to work a bit, too bad
• fear that it can't get any better - surely must be able to squeeze a few more degrees of beauty
• fear of change... my old dragon, many times slain and reincarnated

so! tonight I'm going to commit to lessons with Ken Cornish, a singer I greatly admire, and see if I can Get Over It